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Monday, July 17, 2006
@ 11:03 PM

today after my dad dropped me off at school, i was walking along the rp pond and i saw dragonfies above the pond. they were like all over the place. flying and changing spots at lighting speed. then one caught my eye, it was in a golden yellow colour, and it was like hovering over one spot. it sayed there for like 10 seconds, and it moved again. so after stopping to see how long would it stay at that spot, i started to proceed to my class.
and it got me thinking, the dragonfly i mean.
could it have been thinking about something important if it could think?
like:
"oh no!!! my mom is going to kill me for not cleaning my wings!!"
or
"manman i wonder if the other dragonfly likes me?"
[ps: i am SO NOT thinking to much.]
so my thoughts got stuck at the word "like"
"like".
the word seems as though a thousand possiblities can arise from it. "love" can orginate from like? is that possible? does everybody need love? i know i do.
not only the love that you get from your parents, or for me, God. not even the love that i feel from D.A. but the "love" that you feel when you are with a person that you feel so close to. someone who is THERE. and can understand you. someone who really cares eventhough u have no relation with him or her.
i do not think i have felt that love before. not even with past relationships.
so after thinking thinking and thinking again. i suddenly had this desire just to "love" y'know? or to be "loved". ok... why did i put ["..."] the inverted commas?
oh wth.. maybe i guess i do not believe in love? ya most probably. or maybe love does not really exist? or maybe.... it is just a word? that only holds a certain meaning when you feel "loved". to me, the meaning of love only has one meaning. like the true TRUE TRUE love means, if one is willing to sacrifice his or her own life to protect another.
so.... if i can find someone, who is SO not related to me by blood. but only "connected through the heart". and he is willing to sacrifice his one and only life for me. i will applaud him!
no... not be his wife or his girlfriend. but i will applaud him. and cry of course, cause he is dead. haha!!! nevermind -.-"
maybe i do not wanna be his other spouse is because.... i dare not to?
ya. i dare not to.
i do not dare to love again.
or maybe i do not dare to put faith in "love". and believe with my heart and soul and mind that the relationship will like last forever. i am SO pessimistic! i always think to myself that no relationship will last forever. and it doesnt. doesnt it?
and i AM the kind of person who likes to be liked. who doesnt?and most of the time the person who likes me i'll either "like" that person back or "hate" that person for liking me. cause it is just scary to be liked. oh.. forget i am probably the only one in the entire universe who finds it freaky to be "liked". and if anyone else out there finds it freaky to... please tell me. so that i will not feel like a freak. ((:
[class starting in 27 seconds]
chaos peeeeeple.



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