And I realised how hard it was to be a Christian.

At first i thought i was doing fine!

Attending meetings... Rushing church projects... Handling my net... Going for rehearsals.. and just being super involved. All the busyness made me think i was actually doing the right thing, which was being busy in the kingdom of God instead of being busy in the world.

Which is great and all..

But I did not realise the things that were amiss..

After my grandfather pass away.

I saw the importance of family..

I saw the time that I have missed and lost, which cant be taken back.

Its truly hard to be able to balance my life between church and family/relatives.

Thats because all my relatives do visitation every saturday, and thats when I, as a leader, should be at our youth service to download what God has for me and my net.

Its so hard.

I asked God.

And I realised, its about how I prioritize my time which reflected my own personal value system of the people around me. It might seem impossible, but it is not.

Recently I made a stand to take an extra step to spend real good quality time with friends. To really get to know their hearts and what they desire. To make sure that there is a way that I can speak into their lives. I am even intending to disciple one of my friends soon, I am still waiting for her reply so I'm praying and praying and praying so much for her.

And after putting into my value system my friends, family, new salvations, relatives, and my quiet time with God.

I realised that i would not have time for myself!

And at first i thought that that was such a tragic thing for me! I would not have the time to go shopping? nor surf the net? or even slack? or do things that I would like to do in my free time. Then it hit me. How selfish i was to keep the time that God had given me, and steal it from the people that He wanted to touch using me.

I have started reading "The Purpose Driven Life", and it says that God created us for His purpose and His calling. Its says we were not made to live on earth, but for eternity with Him, and our time on earth is simply our rehearsal before we step onto the real stage. We can never be satisfied by running after the things of this earth. Simply because we were not made to be satisfied on earth. But in God's presence, in our home.

We need to be rushing.

Every soul counts.

The word planted to thirsty hearts is essential.

Our time on earth is not very long.

And as a leader, I feel I have to take extra steps to pave the way for my members to follow. I have to continually encourage myself in the Lord, saying "I'm doing well" and "I can do more". There is never a "my life has too much of God".

I will continue to walk in His grace and mercies, and let Him guide me daily.

Its really hard to be a Christian..

But I'm enjoying every moment of it.